Friday, 20 April 2012

Silence speaks when words can't.

Thank God it's Friday!!!
Or that's what I thought in the morning.
I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start by saying I'm sorry I'm not the daughter that you wish I was. I'm sorry I remind you of daddy. I'm sorry I don't listen to everything you say. I grew up being independent and not fearing what might happen if I lost my way. I'm sorry you had be burdened to take care of me when we left the house.

But what I'm not sorry for is for being the way I am. I know I may not be perfect but I know I'm way better than half the 17 year olds out there. Can't you be thankful for that? Can't you be thankful that I don't smoke or drink or go clubbing? Why do you always have to be so negative towards me? I'm trying to be the best I can be. I'm tired of you whining about me. Comparing me to that bitchy cousin of mine. Thanks for pointing out that I'm the black sheep in the family. It's not my fault that I was born with this skin tone. Don't try to blame me for the mistakes that you made. You were not close to your dad's side of the family. That's not my problem. My father is still alive. So I do want to be close to his side of the family. They make me belong in a way that your side will never be able to do.

And just so you know, you're not the only one suffering from the separation. In fact I think I have it worst than you. I have to always be careful not to tread on anyone's toes. Make sure everyone is happy. And where do I find my happiness? When I see you'll happy. But in the meantime I also get sh*t in my face. I do need a father you know. He may not be perfect or whatever but he's still my father. I know you're so proud of all your friends whos daughter don't see their father anymore but do you think it's right? It isn't healthy. Not in the least bit. That anger and resentment will hold them back from the ultimate happiness that everyone deserves.

Do you even know the reason I want to move out? So that I don't have to worry about hurting anyone. I can meet you and daddy at different times without the other knowing. And I won't have to worry about you shouting at me as to why I wanna see my father. I'm sick and tired of it. I don't want to regret anything in my life anymore. I've already got enough regrets in life so far. I wanna be able to sleep every night and not worry if I don't wake up tomorrow. I want be able to make decisions that make me happy too. And yes, I'll move out as soon as possible. Since I'm such a freaking burden to you. I don't know what else I have to do to make you happy.

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