I would love to say that I'm fine with it but I'm actually not. Just cause I don't go around complaining about it, doesn't mean I'm okay with it. And based on the survey I did, most people aren't happy either. It's just that we choose to cover up. To not complain. To let everyone think that everything is ok when it's not. I know it's kind of sad. But that's how society is. We get criticised and it hurts but we brush it off. It definetely isn't something to brush off. But I have to admit even I do it.
I'll be straight forward. I hate the way I look. I hate the fact that I'm not skinny. But I can't diet. I tried honestly. Lasted for two days and then I started eating badly again. I know I need to keep trying but it's hard. I've made food the focal point in my life. It makes me happy. Doesn't hurt me. Is always there for me no matter what the circumstances. I wish I wasn't like this but after everything I've gone through, it's the only thing that I'm certain of. I know it always seems like I'm fine and all that. But I'm not. I take every comment a person makes to heart. Even little things hurt me. It sucks really but it's the truth.
I didn't want anyone to know cause I didn't want to be treated differently. I'm trying to deal with my body issues but I guess it's gonna take time. There's a few people making it better though. Helping me without realising it. Haha. I love you guys. Trust me it was super hard to write this but I've got to come clean and deal with it. Only way to cure myself. Hope my dreams to finally wear a bikini for my 18th birthday come true.
Until later my lovelies. Toodles :)
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