Tuesday, 5 May 2015

And the memories I never can escape

Maybe last night was my wake up call. I had driven down this road way too far and am losing myself in this facade. I've loved and I've lost. I have said sorry a millions times along this road because there's no better time than now. I don't wait - never have and never will. What kept me moving was the fact that nothing lasts forever. Everything is in the moment. And you proved that to me last night. You let me go. You wanted to walk away from me and from all that we have grown to be. After everything that changed, after all your mistakes, after all the lies, I still accepted you back. All of you - your faults and failings included. I still saw the good in you when you didn't see it in yourself. But you made me feel like a monster last night. It was like playing a never ending game of chess and you finally made a checkmate.

I've been here before though. Where everything just goes dark and I'm all alone. I've had it worst than this before in fact. Where everything just crumbled and I couldn't do shit about it. And I'm still dealing with the consequences of that but you don't see me stressing. You don't see me going all over the place doing stupid shit. But you got hooked so easily. You got dragged along with the current, something which I never understood. And you're just going to keep going with this current which is killing me. Like how do you sleep knowing that you're hurting the person you love with all these lies?

But I made it so far and I will make it again. I will keep going cause this just ain't the end. It would only end when I take my last breathe. Last time I checked I had a lot of air in my lungs. Promises have been made and I'll abide by them. I've pretty much dragged myself down to your level and I really don't like it. I knew I needed this though. To fight fire with fire. To kill the fire within me. So no matter what happens after this, I'll deal with it because no one influenced my decisions and I'm proud of that.

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